Couples who are experiencing difficulty in their relationship will almost always identify communication as their biggest problem. “We don’t communicate well”, “He won’t talk to me”, “We try to talk, but end up fighting”, “She doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say-or she twists my words”. The problem is not that you aren’t communicating. The problem is that when you do communicate, the methods used are often unhealthy, and/or ineffective. It’s very easy to communicate your displeasure with your partner just by rolling your eyes. No words are said, but your spouse knows that you are unhappy with him or her. When communicating effectively is a major challenge it can make other areas of your life together at the very least, unpleasant. Communication skills can be taught, and when used well can make a tremendous difference in the way you approach your partner. Less arguing, increased empathy for your partner and overall satisfaction with your relationship improves, which naturally increases levels of personal satisfaction.
It is important to note that while improving communication skills can tremendously improve understanding of how you each feel, if there are harbored resentments, anger, feelings of unappreciation, or other hurts brought about by negative behavior patterns, all the communication in the world will not resolve your problems. Improved communication will help you to identify and effectively share the negative or painful feelings. We can then address the feelings/issues with a much clearer understanding and work towards making positive change.